Love, Lily
by DagarGranger
Summary: Long story short: Lily Evans and her dealings with four very troublesome boys.
1. Chapter 1

"Go!" He turned to look at her one last time. She stood on the steps, both hands pressing their baby son against her chest. He breathed in every inch of her, knowing it would be the last time he saw her. He looked into her beautiful green eyes and dark red hair, and they comforted him. Deep down, both of them knew that this was the end. In that last moment, he gave her a small smile, trying to convey everything he couldn't say. She returned the smile, her eyes saying their last goodbye. Then they heard a thud on the door, and finally she sprinted upstairs.

James Potter turned to face the door, as a figure blasted through. As soon as he did, the world seemed to move in slow motion. James turned his head to look at the picture on the mantel. It was of four boys, their arms around each other, laughing hysterically. He couldn't remember when this picture was taken, but he could feel the happiness emanating from it. Despite what had happened these boys were his friends—no, they were more then that—his brothers. In this last moment, he wanted to feel that warmth again.

Then, James turned back to the intruder and met his malicious red eyes. The intruder raised a hand, and a green light exploded from the tip of his wand. James's knees buckles and he fell back on the floor, but before he took his final breath, he thought of the girl he had always loved. The life that they had shared together flashed before him. He remembered the first time he saw her. He remembered the arguments, the disagreements, the stolen kisses, and hidden secrets. He thought of her soft laugh, her bright smile, her green eyes, and everything about her that had changed him. When James Potter took his last breathe, he took it happily, because he had no regrets. At the end of his life, he was the man he wanted to be…..and he was at peace.

 **Hey!**

 **So I finally did it: I uploaded the first chapter of this fanfic. Even though it's really short, I'm excited and nervous to see how you guys like it. It was sitting on my computer for so long, and I decided that I really need some feedback. Please, please review because you have no idea how helpful they are. If you don't know what to say, you can answer the question below!**

 **Question: Padfoot, Prongs, Moony, or Wormtail?**

 **Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!**

 **Dagar**


	2. Chapter 2

The worst part was that he was alone.

Remus Lupin stood in the pouring rain, staring in front of him. The rain soaked through his clothes and pierced his skin like cold knives. He didn't care, the pain was nothing new to him and he was used to much worse. The only thing Remus wasn't used to was facing it alone and here he was, attending his best friends' funeral all alone.

 _I shouldn't be here,_ Remus thought as he stared at the graves in front of him. The crowd had cleared long ago, but he found it difficult to leave. Remus knew that this was the closest he would ever be to his friends again, and he didn't want to let that go. He suddenly felt hot tears trickle down his face, but this time he wasn't crying for the death in front of him; he was crying because two very important, alive people weren't here and he felt incomplete.

Slowly Remus's quiet tears turned into full sobs. His body shook and he collapsed on the ground in front of the graves. Remus imagined what it would be like with those two important people on either side of him. But he was not foolish, and he knew that both of them were out of his life for good. One had betrayed him, and the other had taken the blame. The betrayer was roaming free and the innocent was locked up. But Remus didn't want to hate either of them today, that part could come later. Right now, all Remus wanted to do, was imagine that these important people were with him and that he was not alone.


	3. Chapter 3

The worst part was that it was his fault.

Sirius Black sat against the corner of the dark cell. His legs were spread out in front of him, weak and filthy. He shifted a little, rattling the chains on his arms, legs, and neck. Despite the cold, his hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat. Through the dirt and blood coating his face, Sirius smiled miserably.

 _I deserve to be here,_ he thought. It had been a few days, and not once did Sirius cry or feel pity for himself. He deserved this punishment because he had killed the two people who loved him the most. He laughed a little, a deranged laugh, but full of remorse. Slowly his laughing grew louder until he was shrieking hysterically, as tears poured out of his eyes. Sirius slipped down the wall, ripping his tattered shirt, and laid on the floor among the grime that coated it. He stopped laughing and clenched his eyes painfully shut.

In his mind's eye, Sirius saw four faces. These were people he had known since he was a child. But now things were different. Three he had betrayed and one had betrayed him. His hands closed into fists, and his heart started beating faster. He would wait. As long as it took and as much pain as he needed to endure; he would wait. But no matter what, Sirius Black wasn't going to let him go.


	4. Chapter 4

The worst part of it was the guilt.

Peter Pettigrew stood alone in a dark and dusty room, staring at a wall. The curtains pulled over the window blocked out any sunlight, just the way he wanted it. He stood in a small puddle of blood that dripped from his cut finger, but he didn't move to clean it.

 _I'm a monster,_ he thought. Peter felt as if the guilt was a beast, eating him from the inside out. He kept trying to convince himself that he had done the right thing and picked the winning side. But he knew that wasn't true, and now he had no one to turn too. He collapsed on the floor leaning against the bed as his feet smeared the fresh, dark blood all over the floor. Peter wanted to cry, but no matter how hard he tried, no tears came. He had told so many lies, that in his mind they were now the truth.

He shut his eyes and immediately saw three faces. He remembered all the promises made and all the secrets shared, and how they had all sworn they would die for each other. He remembered, once, the price of a broken promise and felt a fear shoot through him. He knew that his life would have to be a secret, and in order to survive, he was going to have to make sacrifices. But he didn't care about all that right now. Because at this moment, all he could do was let the guilt slowly tear away at him, until there was nothing left.


	5. Chapter 5

The train whistle blew and Lily Evans stepped onto the platform. The cold autumn air whipped her bright red hair around her cheeks, turning them pink. The smoke from the Hogwarts Express curled majestically the sky, slowing disappearing. The platform was loud and filled with luggage and people. Children (too young for Hogwarts) were running around everywhere, jabbing fake wands at one another. Lily pulled her coat snugly around herself and tightened the pink gloved hand on her trunk. _It's so awfully cold this year,_ Lily thought as she scanned the massive crowds for her friends.

Lily loved re-entering the magical community especially after spending all summer away from it. Even though she spent most of her year surrounded by magic, she was always a little surprised when she could just wave a wand to iron her clothes or curl her hair. When she was at home, simple tasks like these took up so much time that she couldn't even imagine what is was like to finish them quickly. But when she was at school, she often felt bad for her _other_ self who had to do all these things by hand.

If Lily looked closely enough at the platform, she could easily tell the difference between the new and returning kids. The first years were the ones clutching their trunks nervously as they stood cautiously by their parents. They fiddled with their robes, in awe of the people surrounding them, but hesitant to join in any conversations. The older kids walked around with a sense of comfort; they had clearly done this many times before. All of them gathered in clusters of friends, talking and laughing loudly. There was lots of hugging and jumping; people thrilled to be reunited with their friends after months of separation. Many of them were clad in Hogwarts robes, with their house scarves and badges already on.

"Lily!" a voice called from the crowd. Lily stood on her tiptoes to search for source of the voice. Finally her eyes rested on her best friend, Marlene Brooks, sprinting towards her. Marlene's trunk crashed around behind her as she ran towards her friend. When she reached Lily, she stood for a moment panting and smoothing down her disheveled, blonde curls.

"Mar!" Lily beamed, pulling her friend into a hug. For a moment the two girls stood there locked in embrace, breathing each other in. The past summer had not been the safest for muggle borns and their families, and since both girls had some muggle family (Marlene was a halfblood) they were relieved to see each other unharmed.

"Lily, I'm so glad to see you. I honestly was so worried this summer. I mean, my parents were considering not sending me back. Imagine that! But then I told them, 'Mum, I have to be able to defend myself' and after much convincing she—" Marlene suddenly stopped, her blue eyes anxious. "I'm blabbering aren't I?"

Lily laughed. "It's okay. I'm so glad to see you that it doesn't matter." Marlene sighed apologetically.

"I know, I just can't stop talking when something is on my mind. I mean, I was almost not going to see you this year! I wouldn't have survived! I mean for the past five years Hogwarts has been the highlight of my life—even though it gets quite stressful— so imagining not coming back, I mean—"

"— _I_ mean, calm down Marlene!" Lily said, taking hold of her friends hand. "What matters is that you are here know, so just forget about not coming. Besides, I'm pretty sure with all the homework we are going to get this year you will have _wanted_ to stay home!"

Before Marlene could reply, a male voice spoke from nearby. "Mind if I interrupt this happy reunion? I'm looking for a Lily Evans? Has anyone seen her?" The two girls looked to see who was speaking. There was a tall boy standing a little way to their right, dragging a massive trunk behind him. He had perfect sandy hair and sharp blue eyes. His mouth was turned into a sarcastic smile as he gazed at the two girls. He was the kind of boy that gave a girl butterflies and sweaty hands with just one look. Even a girl like Lily, who had been dating him for 4 months.

"Nathaniel!" Lily said. Nathaniel walked over and enclosed Lily in his arms. She did the same, burying her face into his sweatshirt. She was happy to see him again, especially since it had been a few weeks. As he pulled her in closer to his chest, Lily pushed down a feeling in her stomach that she couldn't quite identify.

"How have you been, Rose?" He said, kissing the top of her head. Lily playfully rolled her eyes at hearing his nickname for her. When they had first met, Nathaniel had thought Lily's name was "Rose," on account of her hair. After they started seeing each other more regularly, it became his nickname for her.

"Alright, I suppose. All the stuff in the news has been pretty scary though. Marlene was just saying how her parents were considering keeping her home this year," Lily said, pulling away. Nathaniel nodded, with a grim look in his eyes. He took a moment to respond, pausing to push a strand of red hair out of Lily's face.

"Yes, it can't have been easy, but I'm glad you both are safe. My family has been pretty worried too," Nathaniel said, keeping one hand on the small of Lily's back. Lily wanted to point out that his family were pureblood, therefore out of harm's way. Nathaniel was sweet, but the one thing he didn't understand was how easy things were for him as a pureblood. But before Lily could say anything, Marlene spoke.

"Okay, so this has been slightly awkward, so I'll just head on up to the train and find us a compartment. You lot can come when…whenever you're done," the blonde shifted her feet uncomfortably, and looked at the floor.

"No, I'll come with you," Lily said. She turned back to her boyfriend. "You don't mind do you?"

"Err-okay. I'll take both your luggages and put it in the luggage car," Nathaniel smiled. "Can I come find you later though?"

"Of course," Lily smiled. She kissed him quickly and lightly pushed him away. Then she went and looped her arm through Marlene's. "Come on, let's go find everyone else."

"Why didn't you stay with him? You didn't have to accompany me to the train four feet away," Marlene asked, a few minutes later. Her blonde hair had gotten ruffled by the wind again, but she didn't move to fix it. She had a slightly concerned look etched on her face. Marlene Brooks was the type of person who got extremely worked up about things."Is everything alright between you two?"

"Of course! Everything is fine. It's just that we don't need to be stuck together all the time and he understands that. It's one of the things I like about him." Lily said, plastering on a smile. Marlene looked hesitant, but to Lily's great relief, she accepted the excuse and turned her attention away.

The two girls made for the train, staring in awe at its size. Even though they had done this for the past 5 years, the wonders of Hogwarts and all of it's magical aspects never ceased to amaze them. As the the girls stepped on, a burst of warm air blew in their faces, driving away the cold and pushed their hair back suddenly. They started walking down the aisle, peeking their heads in each compartment checking for their friends.

"Why is it so difficult to find a few girls," Marlene grumbled. "It's almost like they're invisible. I mean, what if they're not even on the damn train yet, and we have been looking for nothing—"

"—Come on Mar, we haven't even finished the Gryffindor compartments. There are only so many places they can be," Lily said, shaking her hair free from a ponytail.

"Your everlasting optimism is exceedingly infuriating."

"It's extremely effective though. Besides, I think I found them!" Lily smiled, pulling open the door of the last compartment in the car. Inside, two girls were sitting on opposite sides, talking and laughing with each other. As soon as the door slid open, both girls got up and attacked the newcomers.

"Lily! And Marlene! It's been far too long," Teresa Jones embraced both girls with a lot of enthusiasm. She was a tall, pretty girl with long dark hair. She was wearing a simple gray skirt and light orange sweater.

"Agreed. How was the summer?" Mary McDonald asked. Mary McDonald had a strange sense of style, even by Hogwarts standards. Currently she wore a bright pink sweater dress that clashed horribly with her white-blonde hair. Multiple necklaces with odd charms hung from her neck, and her ears had long blue hearts dangling from them.

"Alright, although those attacks in the newspapers really gave me quite a scare. I mean, my whole family was so worried, Mum wasn't going to send me back to school. Goodness, the amount of convincing it took!" Marlene said. Teresa laughed brightly.

"I see your blabbering habit hasn't disappeared yet," she grinned

"How could it? She's had it since first year. I'm almost positive that's the first thing I noticed about her," Lily giggled, causing Marlene to roll her eyes.

"Anyways, how is Nathaniel, Lils? Charming as ever?" Teresa smirked, twirling a lock of brown hair around her finger.

"Of course. Although I only just saw him for a few minutes."

"You know, he kind of reminds me off a lost puppy dog"

"Goodness, you can't leave him alone can you?"

"No, unfortunately I can't. It just astounds me how you say yes to Nathan, but no to James Potter." Lily sat up, shocked at this. How anyone could compare arrogant James Potter to sweet Nathaniel Crawley, was beyond Lily's level of comprehension.

"James Potter? You're comparing Nathaniel Crawley to _James bloody Potter_?" She spluttered. "Let's make this clear. Potter is an annoying, arrogant _idiot_. Nathaniel is a kind, sweet guy. See my point?".

Mary McDonald smiled, fiddling with her a charm at the end of her necklace. "Lily, James Potter seems to be the only person in the world that you hate."

"Not true! I certainly hate some of the Slytherins! Bella Black, Mulciber. And Snape of course," Lily said. _But I don't really hate him._ At the mention of Snape's name the other members of the compartment exchanged uncomfortable looks. After last year's "incident", Lily's friends did everything to avoid the name of a certain dark-haired Slytherian boy around Lily.

Suddenly the door of the compartment burst open, revealing a young boy standing there. He had neatly combed brown hair and hazel eyes were shining with anxiety.

"Remus!" Lily stood up, a little surprised.

"Lily, I've been looking all over for you. We have a prefects meeting!" Remus Lupin said. He was wearing his Gryffindor robes, and had already pinned his prefects badge on the front of them. Lily frantically jumped up, and pulled her prefects badge from her handbag. She put it on as she followed Remus out the door.

"I can't believe I forgot! I'm a prefect, I'm not supposed to forget things," She sighed as they walked.

"It's alright, you were probably too busy catching up with _Nathaniel_ ," Remus said, knowing perfectly well that this would annoy his companion.

"Why is everyone on at me about him! Clearly some of your mates' unkindness is rubbing off on you"

"Hey! My friends aren't unkind! A little stupid and irrational yes, but their hearts are in the right place…for the most part." Remus said the last part very softly, under his breath. Lily pretended not to notice, though she was aching to ask what he meant.

"So, how was the summer? Did you do anything interesting?" She inquired. As she looked to him, she noticed a huge red scratch on the side of his neck. But before she could ask about it, Remus spoke up.

"Alright. The stuff in the _Prophet_ has been giving everyone a jolly good scare," He paused. "You _do_ get the _Prophet_ right?"

"Of course. It's the only way I can stay connected."

"Okay. Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about. Although it's slightly more worrying for you then me, given your background," he said. Finally they arrived at the Prefects compartment. Lily reached to pull open the door, then hesitated for a moment. "What's wrong, Lily?" Remus asked.

"Nothing….it's just….Severus…." She trailed off. She had not spoken to her ex-best friend since the "incident" last year. Although he had been her first best friend, Lily felt as if he had turned into a completely different person.

"Don't worry," Remus put a comforting hand on her shoulder. He immediately knew exactly what Lily was talking about. "You did nothing wrong. If anyone is nervous it should be him." Lily nodded slowly and smiled, meeting Remus's eye.

"Thanks Remus. You always seem to know the right thing to say." Remus nodded, and jerked it head questioningly towards the door. Lily steadied herself, repeated Remus's words in her head, and pulled it open. The compartment was big and contained the Prefects from each house. The Head Boy and Girl sat shuffling papers at one end of the circular benches, and faced the rest of the children. Fortunately, the meeting had not started, so Lily and Remus scrambled to get seated near the other Gryffindor Prefects. Lily could tell Snape was looking at her, but she did her best to avoid his gaze. Then, the Head Girl started speaking.

"Alright, welcome to a new year. A New Year brings new rules, so let's begin with those. First we have…" Diana Marchell's voice trailed off as Lily fell into her own thoughts. Her mind flashed back to last year, when she had finally realized that Severus was gone forever.

" _Lily, I'm sorry," They were standing on the train station at Hogsmeade. He was looking at her with a pleading, frantic look in his eyes._

" _I'm sorry Sev- Snape, I've made it quite clear. I want nothing to do with you." Lily put as much coldness as she could into her words. "I tried_ so _hard to be your friend. I tried_ so _hard to make this work, but Sev, you didn't try at all. Ever since you started hanging around those other boys, you have become a different person…"_

"… _No Lily, I'm still the same me. The same me that lo—supported you and helped you when you were first learning magic…"_

" _No!" Lily cut him off, angrily. "You are not that person. That person wouldn't have called me a-a- mudblood! That person would respect people and care for people not just use them. I have covered up for you, Sev, I've even told lies for you. But the truth is, I'm done. I don't know who you are anymore and I'm not going to wait around to find out." Saying this, she walked away. But she wasn't pleased with herself, in fact, she hated herself more than ever._

 _That summer neither of them spoke to one another. Whenever Lily passed by Spinners End, she felt a strange sense of longing in her. She remembered summer days in the past, when she would run down that street and knock on Severus' door, calling him out to play. But now, she always felt a sharp reminder that those days were gone, and the boy she had known was gone as well._

"—Lily?" Lily jumped out of her thoughts at the sound of Remus's voice.

"What?"

"Diana just asked you a question." For the first time Lily noticed the Head Girl staring at her. Diana had a confused look on her face as did many of the other students in the compartment. Lily felt a blush rise to her cheeks, as she turned to face Diana.

"I'm sorry, I was a bit lost in my own thoughts. What was the question?" Lily asked, sheepishly.

"I-well-I was wondering if you could take the Wednesday 9:00-10:00 shift this week?"

"Of course. If you don't mind my asking, who is my partner?" Lily wanted to know. Diana sighed and glanced down at the sheet in her hand.

"Who doesn't have a patrol assignment for this week yet?" Diana looked around.

 _Not Severus, Not Severus_

Slowly two people raised their hands, including Severus.

 _No, no, no_

"Alright Ms. Murad, you can take the Thursday shift with Mr. Collins, and Mr. Snape you can do Wednesday with Ms. Evans."

 _Bloody fantastic_

"Alright, that concludes our meeting for today. We hope to see you all next time. Hopefully some of you will be a bit more focused" Diana Marchell said, sitting down next to the Head Boy. Lily blushed, knowing the last comment was directed towards her. Everyone else started gathering their stuff and heading out.

"Ready Lily?" Remus murmured. She nodded and followed him out the door. For a while they walked in silence, but both of them knew that something should be said.

"What a stroke of luck, eh?" Lily said, putting on a fake smile.

"Lily," Remus sighed. "You're just going to have to move on. Show him that you're way above his insults and taunting. That's the only way those kinds of people learn."

"I don't really _care_ about the name calling," Lily said, exasperated, "The thing that bothers me is the kind of person he has become. He is just like his mates; selfish and pure evil," Remus nodded slowly.

"It's hard to realize that a person has changed, when in your mind they're still the same," he said softly. "You keep making excuses for them in your mind, when really they're just using you. You keep telling yourself that you're wrong, and nothing has changed, but really nothing is the way it was before." Lily glanced down, and realized that he was right. Hadn't she made excuses to her friends for Snape, constantly convincing them that he wasn't doing anything wrong? Hadn't she kept up their friendship even when she knew that he spent his free time dabbling in dark magic? Lily lay lost in her own thoughts, but when she looked at Remus she saw the same sadness etched on his face. Not wanting to press the subject, she cleared her throat.

"So, which compartments do we have to patrol?"

 **Hello! After an extremely long break, we are back again! Hope you guys enjoy this next snippet. Please give some kudos and review!**

 **Dagar**


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